Doctor Appointments

Some days I just can't seem to get my act together. I managed to double book appointments today. I was supposed to be at my pain doctor appointment at 3:45 and at physical therapy at 4:00. I had to call physical therapy as I was walking into check-in at the doctor's to tell them I couldn't make it. I'm sure that didn't go over well, but my pain doctor's office has some pretty strict missed visit policies.

I didn't go to work the first two days of this week. I came home from Ohio Sunday night and was not feeling great. I woke up Monday with my head absolutely pounding and my whole body aching and burning. I called off and basically spent the day in bed. I basically did the same thing Tuesday. If I had the PTO to spare, I probably would have spent today at home too, but I went to work.

By the time I walked into the doctor's office, I was frazzled and frustrated. My back hurts. My elbow hurts. And I was annoyed at myself for not noticing I'd not only made both appointments on the same day, but overlapped the times and hadn't dealt with it sooner. But it was too late. So I checked in, filled out the exact same form they make me fill out every single time I check in and walked upstairs to wait in the waiting room.

I was the youngest person in that waiting room by decades. Another reminder of how awesome this experience is. It's so much fun to hear over and over again how unfair it is to deal with all of this at my age. Thank you, concerned strangers. I was unaware that back issues waited for maturity before they decided to properly inconvenience your life. I'll have to let mine know that they were a bit early to the party. Maybe they'll take a raincheck and come back when it's a more proper season? Yeah, probably not. I can't help the smart ass, I mostly keep it in my head until it's out in the wild on my blog.

I saw the nurse practitioner for the first time today and I really liked her. We talked about how physical therapy is going and whether it is helping or not. I honestly don't know if it is or not. But I admitted that my normal every day life seems to be harming any progress I make. Sitting at a desk all day - not helpful. Doing dishes - not helpful. Doing laundry - not helpful. Driving my car - not helpful. Basically sitting and looking down causes my neck/upper back to hurt. Reaching out and/or standing causes my mid-back to hurt. Think about all of the things you do on a daily basis that involve one or both of those things. I'm typing right now. So I'm reaching out, but also sitting and looking down. So I'm checking off both boxes. Knitting or crocheting anything intricate enough that I actually have to look at? I'm looking down at least somewhat. Dishes, cooking, laundry, regular household tasks - you're standing, bending, stooping, carrying, chopping, stirring, looking down, looking up, lifting, etc. Try to clean up after yourself without doing those things. It's quite literally impossible. So I don't stop myself from doing any of them. I try to break things into smaller tasks, but I still have to live. And I'm not giving up the things that bring me joy. Thankfully the nurse practitioner doesn't suggest I give any of it up. She instead suggests that she prescribe a compounded pain cream that we put on my back and I keep going to physical therapy to see how it goes.

She has also brought up that she wants to talk to the doctor about potentially doing a cervical epidural or a spinal cord stimulator. I have a follow up in 6 weeks. They don't want to talk about surgery and they want to avoid doing anything close to my problematic thoracic disc because it's located right smack in the middle of where my syrinx is. And they absolutely don't want to complicate that particular mess.

So right now the plan is, use the prescribed cream when it shows up, when I can convince Mike or another victim to apply it to me, since I won't be able to reach the places where I need it most, and keep going to physical therapy. I go back in January for my follow up appointment.

I'm glad we have some kind of plan. And I'm glad they are trying to come up with some kind of solution. But part of me just wants to scream. I remember that feeling of validation and triumph when I got those initial MRI results. I wanted to jump up on that bed in the ER and shake my ass and point at that doctor and scream, "I TOLD YOU IT WASN'T FUCKING ANXIETY!!!!" I was feeling so validated. So hopeful. There was real proof that I was not making this up. There were multiple somethings wrong with me, clear as day on their fancy imaging. The one thing they would believe, since up until then, no one would really believe me. But even with that proof? There's no fix. No magic cure, no pill, no quick non-invasive surgery. We know what's wrong, but now I just have a name for what's torturing me. And while I still feel better knowing, it would have been nice to have a diagnosis that's more easily treatable.

There are surgical options, but they are nasty and don't have super high success rates. Some actually leave patients in worse shape than they were pre-surgery. So my surgeon doesn't want to attempt surgery unless it gets way worse or there is literally no other option. Honestly, I really don't want spine surgery, so for now, I'd prefer the non-invasive options. And if these next few conservative options don't work? I'll be contacting a few specialists in neighboring areas. Let's be honest here, Ft Wayne isn't exactly the neuro capital of the country or anything. And while I like my neurosurgeon, he's not the only guy around. And while Ft Wayne is kinda a bit on the teensy side, it's pretty close to a number of larger areas with some pretty stellar medical centers. Shockingly enough I've had some experience with a few of them.

So for now, I'm going to be waiting for a call to confirm my benefits so that I can get my fancy cream, I'll keep going to physical therapy, and I'll try to be patient. Patience is a virtue...in other people. But I'm trying. My husband will likely confirm that I'm trying, although not in the same way that I mean it. In the meantime, if any of you should happen upon a magic wand or a winning lottery ticket, hit me up. I could use some of your generosity. Something tells me this pain cream won't be cheap and a magic wand will be more useful to my cause than whatever the hell the next 6 weeks of watch and wait will be.

For fun, here's a picture I took this weekend

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