Posts

Doctor Appointments

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Some days I just can't seem to get my act together. I managed to double book appointments today. I was supposed to be at my pain doctor appointment at 3:45 and at physical therapy at 4:00. I had to call physical therapy as I was walking into check-in at the doctor's to tell them I couldn't make it. I'm sure that didn't go over well, but my pain doctor's office has some pretty strict missed visit policies.

I didn't go to work the first two days of this week. I came home from Ohio Sunday night and was not feeling great. I woke up Monday with my head absolutely pounding and my whole body aching and burning. I called off and basically spent the day in bed. I basically did the same thing Tuesday. If I had the PTO to spare, I probably would have spent today at home too, but I went to work.

By the time I walked into the doctor's office, I was frazzled and frustrated. My back hurts. My elbow hurts. And I was annoyed at myself for not noticing I'd not only m…

Making to Distract

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I've been making a lot of new things lately. I made my first real honest garment this past weekend. A pair of flannel pajama pants. And I sewed another project bag from my scribbled notes, just to see if I could make sense of what I had done last time. And every time I manage to make something new, or create something, or navigate a new skill, I really want to call my mom and tell her about it. It's what I would have done every single time I finished any new project of any complexity. I would have spammed her phone with pictures or FaceTimed her. I would have bored her to tears with the technicalities and she would have let me just because she was proud of the joy it brought me.

And if I'm being honest, most of my surge of creativity is my need for distraction. It's a need to be busy. To stay focused and pour my need to do something into something that has a tangibility to it. So I'm knitting, weaving, sewing and crocheting all of the time. I'm making things f…

Adventures

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I was thinking while in the shower this morning. I don't know about you, but most of my best, and craziest ideas, come to me while I'm in the shower. Maybe because it's such a routine and mundane task. Or because it's near impossible to multi-task while doing it. Or there's something spiritual about the water or something. But I was thinking about marriage. And my marriage specifically.

I woke up this morning after being exhausted yesterday and then not being able to fall asleep. I went to bed and was stuck in that weird state where you're too tired to get up and do anything but you're too awake to actually sleep. My fellow insomniacs can relate. So when I woke up, my husband mentioned he heard me listening to videos on my iPad while trying to get sleepy enough to fall asleep. And then asked if I was going to try to craft myself into exhaustion again today. And I suggested an adventure instead.

For those of you who don't know, I'm a bit of a homebod…

I'm In a Blah Place

It's been a little while since I've posted any kind of update. I've been in a bit of a blah place lately. We've had some changes on the home front and I've been trying to keep my mind in a decent place. I managed to stay employed, which I think I shared. And I am working on getting adjusted to the new role. The husband has had some changes in his job, and that has caused some financial changes for us, which is just adding insult to injury after everything else this year. But like everything else I face, I'm doing my best to face this too head on.

I've learned over the years that I have a tendency to cope with hardship in different ways, some of them healthier than others. Right now I'm struggling a little because I'd like to indulge in retail therapy, but that is absolutely a no go. So I'm digging through my older wardrobe (handy since the weather is changing rapidly and I have an excuse to dig out fall apparel) instead of going out to buy new s…

Another First

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Another year older. Another milestone passed.

Dad and I were having a conversation the other day that for right now we are having to go through all these new "Firsts." We did the first Mother's Day, her birthday, my sister's birthday, my brother's birthday. Now I've had to do my birthday. I wonder if they will get easier. Because these new firsts? They suck.

I was never horribly into birthday celebrations for myself. I prefer to just spend the day doing what I want, which mostly means some type of solitary activity. I want to pick a meal I like, not do dishes and then something crafty or read. I don't need a tiara or expensive gifts. I'm not a big fan of cake and I don't need a surprise party or a room full of people.

And this year I really just wanted the day to pass me by. I wanted to get through it as quickly as possible so I could say I survived it. I knew I was going to get a notification of last year's Facebook post by my mom. I knew I w…

Life Update

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I'm so happy it's Friday. This week is yet another in a long line of weeks trying desperately to kick me in the ass.

I started my week getting notified of downsizing at work. And I'm one of the ones who had their name drawn out of the sorting hat of downsizing. Or maybe it was chosen by the man behind the curtain? I'm not sure since they aren't saying how we were picked. It doesn't really matter, since once you're on the list, you're on the list.

It's a shame that the list isn't one that will send me to the college version of Hogwarts, or to an advanced Jedi school, but I suppose I'll deal with it the same way I deal with everything else - I just do.

Yesterday was my first pain doctor appointment. And let's just say after the first few days of turmoil filled fun this week had given me, I wasn't sure how that was going to play out. I got lucky though. This guy isn't a jerk. He also isn't an egotistical maniac. He actually read…

Random Thoughts

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I don't know about you but I sometimes have most of my most random thoughts when I'm doing menial tasks. I think it's because my hands are busy doing something so routine that my mind is free to ponder and wander. I was getting ready for the day today and I started thinking about the paperwork I still have to fill out for the pain doctor appointment this week. There is a question about whether I have ever been diagnosed with depression. And that question is pissing me off. I'm not sure how to answer it. So I've been avoiding the paperwork. That made me start thinking about the times I've been prescribed mood stabilizers. When I was a teenager, I had issues with anxiety and depression. I'm older now and have the benefit of hindsight and I started thinking about what prompted all of that.

I think part of it was the realization of how big the world is and how small each of us are. I know a lot of it was puberty and hormones and not knowing how to deal with emo…