Tangled Grrl

Some days I just can't seem to get my act together. I managed to double book appointments today. I was supposed to be at my pain doctor appointment at 3:45 and at physical therapy at 4:00. I had to call physical therapy as I was walking into check-in at the doctor's to tell them I couldn't make it. I'm sure that didn't go over well, but my pain doctor's office has some pretty strict missed visit policies. I didn't go to work the first two days of this week. I came home from Ohio Sunday night and was not feeling great. I woke up Monday with my head absolutely pounding and my whole body aching and burning. I called off and basically spent the day in bed. I basically did the same thing Tuesday. If I had the PTO to spare, I probably would have spent today at home too, but I went to work. By the time I walked into the doctor's office, I was frazzled and frustrated. My back hurts. My elbow hurts. And I was annoyed at myself for not noticing I'd not onl...

I've held off on writing about this, mostly because I was too overwhelmed. Too pissed. Too frustrated. Too sad. Just too everything. Here's my super venty rendition of how much I hate dealing with my medical nonsense. I had my first appointment with my new primary care physician last week. It didn't go super well. I thought parts of it went well, but I'm not a great judge of that, because of my whole new doctor anxiety thing. They checked me in, gave me the normal, tell us all about yourself form, and sent me in to have my vitals checked. I talked to the nurse, explained for the third time that the medications forever linked in my chart from my ER visit are the correct medications, wrong dosages. I explained I needed one of my medications refilled, I only have two days remaining. I even brought in the prescription bottle. I also explained why I had been in the ER and that yes, I had originally made this appointment to see the doctor to get a referral, but things got b...

I don't have very many true fears, but I can tell you two of them. One is the feeling of being trapped. I don't have to be in an enclosed space, I just have to feel like I can't escape. I have to feel unsafe and unable to get away. Dad says it's a form of claustrophobia. The other is new doctors. New doctors make my blood pressure go up, they tongue tie me and they, in general, turn me into an idiot. This really only happens when I'm the patient. It's a new problem. One that has only really starting happening in the last five years or so. Why am I anxious, fearful really, of new doctors? Because they hold the power to me getting answers and treatments and they typically don't believe me. I leave there feeling powerless and the size of an ant. So when I have to meet a new doctor my delightful brain starts prepping me the second I walk in the door. I've worked on dealing with this by bringing someone with me to new appointments. I took my dad with me to ...