Goodbye 2019
I have never been so grateful to see a year end in my entire life. Yesterday I celebrated my third wedding anniversary. Today we celebrate the end of a year and the beginning of a new year. For our young family we traditionally spend these three days celebrating another year of marriage and ending and beginning the year. We spend time together. We don't do big anniversary gifts and we don't attend fancy parties. We have the kids, and sometimes friends, over and we eat junk food and play board games. We play card games and video games and we just celebrate having each other around. I love that we are doing the same again this year. This, like everything else this year, is bittersweet. But I can't wait to say goodbye to 2019 and all that we have gone through this year.
I can honestly say that this has been the worst and best year of my life. The worst by far, because I have never suffered so much emotionally, mentally and physically in such a short amount of time. But in many ways, also the best, because in many ways all of the suffering allowed me to see how much love and care exists in my life. It has brought friends I haven't seen or talked to in years back to me. It has brought more kindness to me than I could have ever wished or hoped for, from friends, family and strangers alike. It has taken people that were once strangers and turned them into dear friends. Even in the midst of days that felt as though every fiber of my heart were being ripped to shreds.
I lost my mom, almost lost my father, was laid off, had my job saved, found out I have major issues with my back, had massive financial hardships, had issues with our vehicles, had soooo many other people around me lose loved ones, changed jobs, and had my husband change jobs twice. But if I turn around and look back at it all, I survived. I walked through every one of those things. I faced those things. I solved each and every problem that was thrown at me. I may have done it screaming, sobbing, numb, frustrated, angry or broken, but I did it. I may have laugh-cried my way through an awful lot of it. I made dumb jokes and found all of the humor I could. I learned everything I could in any way I could. I asked for help as much as I could. I took every proffered hand up, even when I didn't want to. I probably said hurtful things. And I know I lashed out when I was fed up. But I did it. I climbed that mountain, walked that path, did the thing. I made it through.
I think it's a credit to all of you I made it this far. Thank you. Thank you for all of the shoulders. For all of the phone calls, text messages, comments and cards. Thank you for the flowers, the gifts, the donations to Dad. The benefit. The time you spent. The invitations to events, cookouts and dinners. Thank you for being there. Thank you for listening. Thank you for saying the words I needed to hear even when I didn't know it. Thank you for saying things that penetrated the fog on the days when I couldn't think or feel or see or concentrate. Thank you for standing next to me or behind me or in front of me. Thank you for caring, for loving me, for supporting me through this insanity that was 2019. Thank you for forgiving the absolute worst of me and being a part of the absolute best of me.
I know that New Years is simply a symbolic ending and beginning. The journey is still in progress. We still have issues we are dealing with (like the stupid brand new destroyed tire from earlier today.) We still have vehicle services that need completed, we still have financial issues we are dealing with, but we are dealing with things together. We are entering the year as a family, spending quality time together just having fun. We have jobs we both love (FINALLY) and if 2019 has taught us anything, it is that people matter and tomorrow is never guaranteed. It has also taught me that I'm capable of surviving.
I hope you all have a wonderful New Years. I hope you all join me in kicking 2019 in its ass and sending it deep in the past where it belongs. Let's ring in 2020 and hope it brings some much needed light and joy. We have one amazing guardian angel looking down on us.
I can honestly say that this has been the worst and best year of my life. The worst by far, because I have never suffered so much emotionally, mentally and physically in such a short amount of time. But in many ways, also the best, because in many ways all of the suffering allowed me to see how much love and care exists in my life. It has brought friends I haven't seen or talked to in years back to me. It has brought more kindness to me than I could have ever wished or hoped for, from friends, family and strangers alike. It has taken people that were once strangers and turned them into dear friends. Even in the midst of days that felt as though every fiber of my heart were being ripped to shreds.
I lost my mom, almost lost my father, was laid off, had my job saved, found out I have major issues with my back, had massive financial hardships, had issues with our vehicles, had soooo many other people around me lose loved ones, changed jobs, and had my husband change jobs twice. But if I turn around and look back at it all, I survived. I walked through every one of those things. I faced those things. I solved each and every problem that was thrown at me. I may have done it screaming, sobbing, numb, frustrated, angry or broken, but I did it. I may have laugh-cried my way through an awful lot of it. I made dumb jokes and found all of the humor I could. I learned everything I could in any way I could. I asked for help as much as I could. I took every proffered hand up, even when I didn't want to. I probably said hurtful things. And I know I lashed out when I was fed up. But I did it. I climbed that mountain, walked that path, did the thing. I made it through.
I think it's a credit to all of you I made it this far. Thank you. Thank you for all of the shoulders. For all of the phone calls, text messages, comments and cards. Thank you for the flowers, the gifts, the donations to Dad. The benefit. The time you spent. The invitations to events, cookouts and dinners. Thank you for being there. Thank you for listening. Thank you for saying the words I needed to hear even when I didn't know it. Thank you for saying things that penetrated the fog on the days when I couldn't think or feel or see or concentrate. Thank you for standing next to me or behind me or in front of me. Thank you for caring, for loving me, for supporting me through this insanity that was 2019. Thank you for forgiving the absolute worst of me and being a part of the absolute best of me.
I know that New Years is simply a symbolic ending and beginning. The journey is still in progress. We still have issues we are dealing with (like the stupid brand new destroyed tire from earlier today.) We still have vehicle services that need completed, we still have financial issues we are dealing with, but we are dealing with things together. We are entering the year as a family, spending quality time together just having fun. We have jobs we both love (FINALLY) and if 2019 has taught us anything, it is that people matter and tomorrow is never guaranteed. It has also taught me that I'm capable of surviving.
I hope you all have a wonderful New Years. I hope you all join me in kicking 2019 in its ass and sending it deep in the past where it belongs. Let's ring in 2020 and hope it brings some much needed light and joy. We have one amazing guardian angel looking down on us.
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