Another First
Another year older. Another milestone passed.
Dad and I were having a conversation the other day that for right now we are having to go through all these new "Firsts." We did the first Mother's Day, her birthday, my sister's birthday, my brother's birthday. Now I've had to do my birthday. I wonder if they will get easier. Because these new firsts? They suck.
I was never horribly into birthday celebrations for myself. I prefer to just spend the day doing what I want, which mostly means some type of solitary activity. I want to pick a meal I like, not do dishes and then something crafty or read. I don't need a tiara or expensive gifts. I'm not a big fan of cake and I don't need a surprise party or a room full of people.
And this year I really just wanted the day to pass me by. I wanted to get through it as quickly as possible so I could say I survived it. I knew I was going to get a notification of last year's Facebook post by my mom. I knew I wasn't going to get her usual text and call. I knew that it was going to be hard. I was right.
My back has been a jerk all day. I've been sneezy and cranky and although work was actually pretty good, I just needed today to be over. I made it to my car on the drive home before the tears started today.
I didn't get a call yet about the job I interviewed for last week. That could be good or bad, I honestly don't care at the moment. Something will work out. I did get a call from a recruiter about another job for an interview next week. But I don't have it in me to be focused on it today. I just need to get through to tomorrow. Tomorrow, with new Facebook memory posts, when I'm officially 36 for 24 whole hours and it's not my birthday and it's not a milestone or an event. When it's just another normal day. When I can go back to counting down to doctor's appointments and interviews and worrying about phone calls about job offers.
So if you reached out and I'm not being good about reaching back today, it's because I'm not in a place where I'm feeling very celebratory. I'm feeling pretty introverted and ready for it to be Tuesday. I appreciate all of your well wishes and I'll be better tomorrow.
Happy Effing Birthday to me. Here's my excited face. Courtesy of the Snapchat lens offered to me today.
Dad and I were having a conversation the other day that for right now we are having to go through all these new "Firsts." We did the first Mother's Day, her birthday, my sister's birthday, my brother's birthday. Now I've had to do my birthday. I wonder if they will get easier. Because these new firsts? They suck.
I was never horribly into birthday celebrations for myself. I prefer to just spend the day doing what I want, which mostly means some type of solitary activity. I want to pick a meal I like, not do dishes and then something crafty or read. I don't need a tiara or expensive gifts. I'm not a big fan of cake and I don't need a surprise party or a room full of people.
And this year I really just wanted the day to pass me by. I wanted to get through it as quickly as possible so I could say I survived it. I knew I was going to get a notification of last year's Facebook post by my mom. I knew I wasn't going to get her usual text and call. I knew that it was going to be hard. I was right.
My back has been a jerk all day. I've been sneezy and cranky and although work was actually pretty good, I just needed today to be over. I made it to my car on the drive home before the tears started today.
I didn't get a call yet about the job I interviewed for last week. That could be good or bad, I honestly don't care at the moment. Something will work out. I did get a call from a recruiter about another job for an interview next week. But I don't have it in me to be focused on it today. I just need to get through to tomorrow. Tomorrow, with new Facebook memory posts, when I'm officially 36 for 24 whole hours and it's not my birthday and it's not a milestone or an event. When it's just another normal day. When I can go back to counting down to doctor's appointments and interviews and worrying about phone calls about job offers.
So if you reached out and I'm not being good about reaching back today, it's because I'm not in a place where I'm feeling very celebratory. I'm feeling pretty introverted and ready for it to be Tuesday. I appreciate all of your well wishes and I'll be better tomorrow.
Happy Effing Birthday to me. Here's my excited face. Courtesy of the Snapchat lens offered to me today.
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