Tangled Grrl

 I've been giving a lot of thought to this new life I'm living. One where I live alone with my cat in a studio apartment. I thought this would be harder than it is. Don't get me wrong, there have been evenings of extraordinary loneliness. And nights when I could swear I heard my door opening (typically after reading or watching some murdery content.) But when I unlock my door and step into this space, filled with my treasures, the colors I love, surrounded by things I've made - I just feel content.  Walking back into this space after leaving to run errands or walk outside to smoke a cigarette, it strikes me that the smells are all scents I've created. The smell of bread baking in the oven or a meal I've cooked. And I've cooked so much more since moving in here. I don't have to ask any opinions on ingredients or spices. I just make what I want to eat. And then typically live on it for a few days. If it's food I love I have zero qualms eating it for a

 My mind is swirling with words again. So much has happened in the last few months that I often wonder if I have time to breathe. November 15 I said out loud I wanted a divorce. I applied for an apartment the same day. I moved out on December 10. Since then my life has been filled with changes and decisions. My job has kept me plenty busy as well.  I've always liked being alone. It's the way I have been able to feel energized again. I love people, but I love them the most when I get time away. And this is the first time in my entire life I have ever lived alone.  It's been an interesting journey so far. There have been nights of loneliness. Moments where the silence was too loud and I wanted to drown it with the sounds of others. Random musings, the sound of drawers being opened and closed. Sighs. Footsteps. And I realized I craved those sounds only because I was uncomfortable and wanted to be able to blame my bad mood on someone else. That night I leaned into the lonely. I